Originally Posted by
ReadyAndAble 
I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I"m trying to draw out that little voice, so we can collectively slam it against the curb. That way you can completely relax and enjoy the full benefits of the enormous effort you've made to get this far.
By all means, R&A, put me on the spot. I'm really trying to understand this. I want to draw out that voice and examine its logic. You're right - I can't do recovery like this. Either it's okay for me to drink or it's not. I don't want to do this with only half my heart anymore.
Thinking about your questions...
Originally Posted by
ReadyAndAble Any reason to believe that other than the little voice that tells you so?
Not at this point, which is why I'm not drinking. (P.S. thanks to everyone for helping me sort it out here, out loud, so to speak.)
Originally Posted by
ReadyAndAble Or put another way, now that you're not drinking, your depression has gotten better, and you're able to sort through the various issues in your life. Chicken, meet Egg. I believe you when you say you're not going to drink anytime soon. What worries me is that you'll waste a perfectly good recovery listening to that little voice telling you that you're missing out, and feeling shortchanged. That's no way to live.
I don't have a good answer re: chicken & egg. I don't feel shortchanged. I feel like I was wrong about the reason for my problem. Like it wasn't alcohol - it was me. Everything I touched I had a problem with, lol. My dysfunction certainly wasn't limited to my behavior with alcohol.
I know this all must sound so stupid and deluded but I have got to work through these feelings. Thanks again for listening.