S4MT, honestly I think it's because I still want to drink. I mean, intellectually I don't - I do remember how awful drinking was and I have absolutely no intention of drinking anytime in the near future. But I keep thinking that in a few years it will probably be fine. I guess I think that my problem with alcohol had more to do with depression and a host of anxieties I had. Now that I'm not drinking, I feel like I should be able to sort those out and then I wouldn't behave the way I had in the past.