oh my...the oh so twisted possibilities that are only possible in a mother daughter relationship!
I am an alcoholic, in recovery for six years now.
My mother is the daughter, sister and mother to nine self identified alcoholics (in recovery)! She may not be an alcoholic but she sure has lived her life in a dysfunctional circus.
I have done tons of work in therapy and in the 12 steps to try to come to terms and clear the relationship that I have with her. Take away the alcohol and you will still find dozens of self help books on the "mother relationship".
One of the toughest lessons, whether in therapy, recovery, Buddhism, or philosophy or whatever...is this: she can't makeyou mad, or sad, or whatever. You will probably hate hearing this. But the good news is that it is ALL in YOUR power to shift your thoughts and feelings. The "mother relationship" is highly vulnerable and suspect to extremely annoying demons that want to linger around and make your life insane...and those demons are yours to tame, love, or leave in the dust.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh. Believe me I can so very much empathize with your pain...my mother story is filled with very dark crevasses. But we can begin to re-tell our own story, re-create our own life...peace to you