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Old 03-02-2012, 01:47 PM
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laurie6781
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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She is doing a lot better, and has been sober for a couple of months. She finally got her own place, and is going to AA meetings daily.
I have no problem, believing it is a disease, as I suffered from 'active alcoholism and drug addiction for 24 years.'

However, upon finding recovery, I can also tell you that it took a lot longer than a 'couple of months' to fully comprehend the 'damage' I had done to so many. Working the steps with my sponsor, helped with that, but to be honest I was not even capable of starting the steps until I was almost 5 months sober and clean. I had such 'fog' and 'mush' in my brain that it was terrible to 'think' things through, to analyze, to actually comprehend what was currently going on and what had transpired.

I can tell you, that my 'actions' not my words, were what slowly regained the 'trust' of my family. I suspect, if your mom stays sober, and continues to work on herself, that her actions and 'sincere heartfelt amends' (NOT and 'I'm sorry) will also, slowly regain the trust of your sister and yourself.

Your sister did nothing wrong in not inviting your mom to her wedding. She was sticking to her boundaries and wanted a 'calm, peaceful and serene' wedding without drama. Good for her.

Please take a wait and see attitude. The 'disease' concept, first put forward by Dr William Silkworth, and discussed in "The Doctors Opinion" of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anoymous, in 1939 was accepted by the American Medical Society in the early '50's and has been expounded on since:

The Doctor's Opinion

No where in the Big Book or "The Doctors Opinion" does it instruct us to use this as AN EXCUSE for our behaviors. The BB is all about us (we alcoholics) take responsibility for our actions. That is what Step 9 is all about. I doubt if your mom is anywhere near Step 9 yet.

I have worked with many newcomers over these past 30+ years and many of them have 'started' their recovery with the 'disease excuse' which rapidly disappears when they start 'working the program' of AA.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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