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Old 03-02-2012, 11:40 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
outtolunch
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I put myself through hell-o and back many times, too many times with my daughter's addiction to heroin. I nearly bankrupted myself financially, physically and emotionally trying to rescue her from addiction. The more I focused on trying to control her, the less I controlled myself.

Realizing there was nothing I could say or do that would keep my daughter clean or prevent a relapse was a magilla of an ah-ha moment for me.

I eventually decided to take back control of the only thing I do control- my reaction. My turning point came when I decided I would not allow anyone in active addiction or early recovery in my house and my life. I did this because, frankly, I am worth it. My sanity and well being comes before someone else's issues that I cannot control and especially before any of my own hopeful fantasies of how that person might be if only.....

Addiction demands the addict protect and sustain it at all costs. Lying and manipulation are the most common tools used to protect the beast. The source of your information about his past and on again/off again sobriety does not come from a particularily reliable source. I seriously doubt he has ben clear of all substances during the period he appeared to be clean. It's very common for addicts to fool themselves and others that so long as it's not their drug of choice they can control it. So some alcohol here, a little weed there, may a line or a hundred of coke - so long as it's not their drug of choice, it does not count- a bunch of hooey.

This in recovery thing is tricky stuff and means different things to different people. Being employed and self sustaining without an assist from someone else paying the bills is a starting point. Having a car and maintaining it and insurance and supporting dependent children , if any, are others factors. It's all about acquiring and maintaing maturity and taking responsibility for oneself.

Sitting on the sidelines and hoping that one day it's all going to come together is substantially tougher than watching paint dry in the rainy season.
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