My condolences to you on the loss of your mother. I am so sorry you are having to deal with all the crap related to you AS at such a difficult time.
I understand the numb feeling and agree with other posters that it's a way of keeping the A from being able to "get" to us. I recently got up the nerve to look up my sons mug shot online from his last arrest... I was expecting to be overcome with grief but as I stared at the picture and the empty eyes I realized I felt numb.. Almost as if I didn't even know that person in the photo. It held a slight resemblence to my son but it wasn't him, just a shell.
I hope you are able to find some peace.