Hi Kim,
First I have to tell you I'm much less experienced than a lot of the other members here; but this is a forum and so you should just take what you can use from me or anyone else, and just leave the rest -*
Forums are to share experiences, knowledge, and maybe also just to provide debate, and a good ear to listen when you just can't keep it inside anymore.
I agree with you that he can't stop without getting some professional help. I have also learned through this forum, and through my BF experience that the addict has to be the one to make the decision to stop. That desire has to come from within....
If his brother went through rehab, he might be helpful in reaching out to your husband. Lesliej mentioned an intervention, and maybe that could help motivate him back into a good rehab facility.
I've heard people say that rehab won't work if the person doesn't want it; probably true - but maybe some "seeds" get planted in that persons mind that will lead to more successful attempts in the future.
And once they are in the door; there is hope.
Do you have other family that are supportive - that might could help you in reaching out to him; the cost of treatment, etc?*
How long have you been picking up all the financial responsibilities? *This is really upsetting; because it's just not right for you to be treated that way.
Your married and it is supposed to be a partnership; *I really don't blame you for being infuriated.*
Obviously I understand you have to have a roof over your head, but I can guarantee many others here will come along and advise.....that he does not deserve one to be kept over his head; and that it would be better for him if you kicked him out.*
I won't comment on the financial part; it's your own personal decision. *In the future, it might be one of your boundaries... You won't take on full financial responsibility....but you have to be ready to back it up.
My BF has never stole from me; but I would consider making sure any valuables that you treasure are locked away in safety deposit....like heirloom jewelry, etc.*
I would also make sure you look out for your financial future; by separating as many assets as you are able....just in case the worst happens.*
When I first came to SR, it was because my BF who had prior addiction to cocaine before I met him - relapsed. It was only one night, but he cheated on me with the woman who helped score him the drugs, he came home, did more coke, collapsed from an OD, and that's when I found him. *So I understand your fears; watching his breathing ... An overdose is the most traumatic experience for a loved one to go through. *But anyway, when I came to SR I wasnt thinking about me - just him. How to help him.
But I learned it's most important to take care of yourself. *You deserve to be happy, to have peace in your life, love in return for love. *
It's really easy to think that his problem will just take over for a while....and so your ok giving so much of yourself ....but when the little while turns into a long while.... Then at what point do you stop and say ' my happiness matters too'
Do you know what I mean?
That's also a personal decision, but your health factors do come into play; depression, anxiety...
Is it possible you could continue to take your meds but maybe lock them up, away from him? Even keep then locked up at your office? And take daily what you need?*
It's kinda like when you get on a plane and they tell you in case of emergency... Put your air mask on before helping your children with theirs...because if you don't - you might pass out, then you all perish. *You have to stay strong; so really think about what you need for yourself; what you want in an ideal world; how far you may have drifted off course.*
I'm just now considering checking into some therapy for myself; soon I have my first couples session with my BF and his new psychiatrist. *Kind of intimidating; but if we choose this life, then we must do whatever it takes to keep ourselves strong.
There are also lots of stickys at top of forum that talk about codependency ...
There is hope for your husband, for you, and for your relationship. *But there are no guarantees.
Lots of sad stories here on SR; but I'm sure there are many happy endings also; we tend to reach out to forums and such when we are in need; but not as much when all is going well.
I'll be saying a prayer for you and your husband tonight.*