Welcome to Sober Recovery.
(((((kimslilypad)))))
If we could love our A's back to heath or 'motivate' them to seek help, none of us would be here. We are here for OURSELVES. We are here to learn how to take care of OURSELVES. We have taken care of and enabled our A's for far far too long, preventing them from finding their own bottom.
The solutions we tell you, based on your initial post, you will probably not like. Find some private counseling/therapy with a person who specializes in addictions. Find some Naranon and/or Alanon (there are usually many more of these) meetings in your area and check out at least 6 different meetings before deciding if it is for you or not. Get a copy of "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. It is available on Amazon at a very reasonable cost. Read it with a highlighter in hand.
Start learning how to set YOUR boundaries. Divide the money. Move yours to accounts he cannot touch. Anything of value left in the house LOCK UP. Do NOT give him money.
All of the above are definitely recommended by us and therapists. You are NOT helping him by commiserating with him. You are not helping him by giving him money.
I tell you the above as a sober and clean for 30+ years now and a recovering co dependent for 27+ years now. I work with newcomers all the time. I also have sponsees with from 3 months to 28+ years. Every one of them had TO REACH THEIR OWN BOTTOM. For some of them like me it was they had to lose everything and live the streets, for others, they still had some sort of roof over their head.
I said you probably would not like the answers you are about to get. Take what you think you can use now and leave the rest for later.
J M H O
Love and hugs,