My emotions keep waffling
Not sure if that's the right term, LOL. I keep waffling between compassion and anger towards my AH right now. He got his DUI 10 days ago and I've been just trying to find some peace and serenity and forgiveness. One minute I feel compassion and love for him and I reach out to him and give him a hug, tell him I love him, etc. Then, an hour later I'm starting to think about all the lies, the cost of the DUI, the threats of suicide and all his other emotional garbage he's throwing at me(telling me that I'm not capable of trusting him ever again, saying that he'll have to answer to me as his judge from now on, etc), the danger he was to our son(drinking while driving with him in the car), etc. and then I get mad all over again.
I know he's hurting. I know he's angry at himself. I refuse to pile on my own anger towards him because I feel like that's what he wants. I have no desire to be intimate with him, though. Maybe it's too soon. He's not trying any recovery programs and wants to just quit on his own. He's not confiding in friends or even going to his psychologist so I guess I'm afraid that he's just going to slip again and that I'll be dealing with this all over again. I have not set any boundaries and maybe I need to decide what I really am willing to put up with? I'm so confused right now, just a jumble of different emotions that seem to swing hourly. UGH!