So I will love him in my heart from a distance while I dive deep into the unknown. I pray for signs, wisdom, angels, grace, forgiveness, and transcendence.
Romantic relationships are tough enough as it is. Factor in addiction? What's tough then becomes extremely difficult, especially if he's not in recovery.
When you love someone from a distance, that implies that you've accepted that your powerless over his addiction. And that's a tough thing to do. When we love someone, we want what's best for them and we want to help them. But with addiction, we can't help the addict because the addict is on his own path. It takes strength and courage to let go. But letting go is precisely what you need to do. For his sake and for yours.
Just because we love someone doesn't mean we should be with them.
My AXGF has pulled a lot of hateful stuff over the past 6 weeks. And while I want nothing to do with her, I pray to God that He keeps her safe. And I also pray that He guides her to make better decisions for herself. It sounds like you're doing something similar. Keep doing it, and when the pain gets too much, ask Him to shoulder it with you.
Be strong. Be safe.
ZoSo