(((Leslie))) - sorry you're having a rough time. Back when I was "just" a codie (before becoming an addict), I lost a really good friend because she got tired of me whining/complaining about the ABF, yet staying with him. I never got to tell her I was sorry, she died at 32. Another friend who also tried to convince me if I put half has much energy into myself, as I did the ABF, I'd be amazed. I wasn't ready. 30 years later, I was tickled to be reconnected with her and tell her how much I appreciated that she tried to help, and I still remember a lot of what she said.
My recovery from crack has been WAY easier than the codie recovery. Living with dad/stepmom who are both codies and she's also an A, ACOA and everything else.
I've tried it all...sharing my recover ES&H, given them an ear to listen when they're complaining about each other, confronted stepmom when I know she's high, counted out her pills to show dad how many she's taken (did that just recently, sorry to say).
All it's done is drive me crazy..to the point I wanted to get numb a few nights ago and gluing my self to SR and friends I've made here on e-mail, I woke up the next day...clean, ready to take on the day.
I love them, but I do not enable. I'm done..I don't want to hear the excuses, the lies, the miserable existence they live (and I'm stuck in thanks to consequences of my own addiction).
It's taken me almost 5 years to get to this point, and I'm fairly certain I will still slip, now and then, because my defenses get down or I'm all of the HALT stuff, or whatever. The good news is, my slips aren't as bad as they used to be and I come here, pull out the recovery tools, set another boundary, and keep on keeping on.
The majority of my friends are here and a lot are RA's. If they go back out, will I quit loving them? Absolutely not. Will I let myself get dragged back into the life of active using/drinking? Absolutely not. It has literally been sucking the life out of me, recently, with stepmom's antics, and it took my friends here to get me back on track.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy