I was going on 6 yrs w/ my xagf. In december she was thrown out by the new abf who had started shooting her up w/ heroin(no one held a gun to her head). She said her choices were me or a going to a drug dealer(drugs were still in her life formula). I sent her to an $18,000 rehab in Florida. She left on day 33 of her recovery(which was not hers, she never "owned it"). She said guys started flirting with her and her self esteem was low(excuses to get high). I threw myself into alanon, NA, naranon, because I wanted to lessen my pain and gain understanding & knowledge. I spoke to several addicts in recovery. I met an extremely brave ex-heroin addict that also had been a cutter. She reassured me of several things. An addict in full addiction is yes hurting, but everything is pure selfishness without regard to the destruction & pain they place on family members, they are immature and do not want to grow up. Their actions are inexcusable. "We dont want to grow up & face our problems. You do, people around us face their problems and some of them are worse, so why shouldn't we. Every reason we use to keep using is an excuse to not face responsibility." This knowlegde was not to trash her or any other addict, but to make me learn the 3 Cs' as stated above, recognize I did not let her down, nothing was my fault when she made herself the victim("he started shooting me up w/ heroin"), if she does not want to live in full recovery neither a free texts letting her know I love her or $18,000,000 will help her recover. She has to want recovery as much as she wanted the drugs. The lady I spoke of stated, "even more because recovery brings happiness, its real".