Vanessa,
So many of us have been down the road of addiction & codependency.You are not alone.SR helped me IMMENSELY when I felt that I was.And yes,some of them gave me
the "cold hard truth".....but in a caring and logical way so that it didn't feel like an attack
or judgement.
What I have learned is that addiction is one mean and vicious animal.My fave posters are: outolunch,anvilhead,and hope2be ---real authentic wisdom there!!!
The cold,hard truth is that we are all human,and we all fall short.These substances let
us defer/avoid the unavoidable....finding out your secret crush doesn't like you,a child born with a chronic illness,or just being 'bored with life'.But there is a horrifying price to pay.....one that noone would pay if posted upfront.
Before I got involved in my personal mess (codie for an oxy/heroin addict) I felt safe
and secure in my comfy view that addicts are worthless,weak,and not worth the bother.
Now I know different.Now I know they are human beings---as worthy and wonderful and
as full of potential as any other.But this dreadful illness makes that hard to see---b.c.o. the behaviors and non-stop lying,etc.
The lesson I have taken away from this is that even though the addict I was trying to help is broke,no car,no home,living out of a spiderhole with a hard-time felon (and she is on her way back to do a serious stretch of time soon)---I will
never speak ill of her.
She is a human being.Her dignity is sacrosanct.I will not fall into the trap of seeing HER and HER ADDICTION as one and the same.However,I cannot run and put cash in her
hands anymore....it is an affront to her human dignity.
The takeaway from all this?
Save yourself.You cannot save him.Only HE can do that.It took alot of time and ALOT of SR wisdom to get that through MY thick head.
There are alot of good people here.Listen to them.
Vale
YOU ARE WORTHY.CONGRATS ON YOUR ONE YEAR OF SOBRIETY.
