CleoAK

So I had seven years of sobriety starting when I was 24, this last August I fell off the wagon. I have a 14 month old as well as a wonderful hubby who has offered to quit drinking to help me (he has about 1 beer a week). I can't seem to stop. I went from Christmas to now without much trouble but I am away for a week on a conference and I fell right back into it. I think he knows but I am afraid to talk to him as he would be so hurt but it. He was so hurt before. I can't bear to hurt him and yet it doesn't stop me. The thing is it is so much worse this time, I fell right back into those destructive behaviors but it isn't just about me anymore and I don't know what to do. I did an out patient treatment program in August and I know all the mind tools but it seems to overcome them. I am so ashamed of myself, I really hate myself right now. I don't know how to fix this mess I have made, I am a terrible person and I don't know where to turn anymore. My life is so much better without it, why isn't that enough for me?