Matt said he thought I hated my mothers drinking, no not so much, my mother was a mean sober person, all alcohol ever did was reduce what few inhibitions she had and just made her all that more free to be even more acid tongued (my dad said all alcohol did was take the parking brake off her mouth) and physically abusive, I also don't think (I am not sure, but I think) my dad would have been better to us if she would have been a better wife, he took her cheating out on me, he took her denial of imtimacy and affection out on me, and she took his subsequent cheating out on me, I was the proverbial "whipping boy".
And yes I have come to hate addicts, I hate poor ones al little and rich ones alot, I feel like they are spoiled rotten, Elvis Presley was virtually family, and yet people in my family who were part of his entorage were so spellbound they would go with him when he decided to break into a drug store in memphis for pills, they would clean up the fallout later.
And yes I hate celebrity culture, the media who pushes it, and the people who buy every magazine, watch every show (even when they are rife with speculation).
I imagine God sitting in heaven thinking "I gave you so much, I wanted you to share your gifts, you wasted them, I gave you the resources to get help, you spurned them, I gave you a child to love, you chose drugs over her".
The whole thing just pisses me off, the waste of it all, these people in our lives, crap on us over and over, at least when we are adults we have the option of walking away, I did not have that option, neither did desert eyes, or so many others, our option was to suffer with it until we could fight back or run away.
And understand I am not just mad at Whitney Houston, the list is so long, so much wasted talent, wasted life, destruction left behind when these people go.
I just wanted people to see that while someone who had the opportunity to change died of utter stupidity, there were men, women and children who died doing something noble and the fact that they were being ignored by the media and the general population hurt me incredibly, and I lashed out in anger and sarcasm, for that I am truly sorry.
My passion has been a double edged sword for most of my life, sometimes I swing it without looking at who is in its way in my zeal to correct what I see as wrongs and injustices.
I love you all, you are each very dear to me, you are just like my family, you make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me sad, and you frustrate me to no end, sometimes you frustrate me by boxing me in with common sense, I feel like a two year old who just needs to kick someones shins while they are holding my shoulders.
Anyway, another long rant and rave comes to an end.
Thank you all for being my friends.
Bill