that is the hard part for me- stopping the reacting, and choosing how i wish to feel or percieve things. I've been delving into books literature, everything i can get my hands on today. my husband has been sober for 25 years. i went to alanon for 7 of those years then stopped going! bad mistake, you know you are co dependent when you spend most of your life defending yourself and your actions, and your view is always outward towards others, their thoughts, their actions, their emotions etc..... talk about having no life, I've been living everyone elses, me?? there is just a big hole their. hmmm wonder what God had planned on filling that area up with? lol. in the end, my hubby and I were both raised in alcoholic environments and learned really bad lessons, very early in life. as much as i want to change him and he wants to control me. today i have to just totally except who and what he is and get out of his way so God can do his work. years ago i heard a saying- something like this If you don't shut up, they wont ever hear God? amy thanks for the posts here! you make me feel like recovery is a possibility even at this late age- im 55.