I too was working on my codependency recovery long before I met my loved one with addiction concerns.
For me what is scary is how bad it got even with some solid recovery under my belt.
Even with that it has taken me a long time to feel it in my heart and being. I had to interact yesterday (after two years from the start of me going to Al-anon), and it still winds me up.
Beating myself up about it though only makes it worse.