Originally Posted by
TiredButHopeful 
Since then, he really HAS seen a doctor and was put on the suboxone program for one year. He is doing great so far..meetings every day. Of course I don't trust him. I have hope..but not trust. He hasn't tried to contact me because he knows he has to do this for himself. But its killing me not to be with him. I want to see him, I love him. I want to help him. I want to be there for him in his time of need. But i dont want to be there for the relapse--only to look like a fool once again.
Good for him. Meetings every day? Cool. He's gone no contact with you because he knows he has to do this for him. Very good.
Of course you'd be afraid of relapse but looks like you'll never have worry about that since he's realised he has closed the book on you/he.
No ***** footing around, going back and forth, wishy washy - he's done you a HUGE favor.
Originally Posted by
TiredButHopeful the last thing he told me was that he loves me and thanks me, but he will never trust me again because i left him when he needed me most. and therefore he will never take ME back. I find this unfair and cruel, although i do understand. I told him i was committed to this. i told him id love him thru the good and the bad. and i left him when he needed me most.
I've known many addicts that leave their partners. Moreso than the other way around.
When everything falls apart and the one who supposedly loved us the most left, the easiest way to never fear them doing it again is to move on to someone we can count on.
Again - he's doing you good. Might not feel like it now. You've been given a second chance. So has he. One his own.
Originally Posted by
TiredButHopeful i dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to lose him forever. i want to spend the rest of my life with him. i offered taking a six month break--no talking, no nothing--but he said he would have gotten over me by then. which hurts because i dont think ill ever REALLY be over him. but maybe it just wasnt meant to be.
hearing experiences from all of you strong people would really be beneficial right now. thank you for taking the time out to read this.
I'd say if you truly loved this person, truly wanted to be with them for the rest of your life, 6 months ain't nothing. At least not to me. I dunno - maybe I am in the minority on this.
Love doesn't move on that quick. NO WAY. If we're that replaceable, then sure.
So...maybe be confident in your heart, believe in him (without contacting of course), have hope yet don't put all your eggs in one basket....just live life on your own for 6 months. Then see.
What he said that hurt you so much is words said in hurt and anger.
I doubt many people can say they've always spoken in calmness.
Glass house/stones/yada yada.
~~~~~~~~~~ whoa....
I'll leave what I wrote but after reading the next few posts - they totally changed my thoughts on getting back together.
Originally Posted by
TiredButHopeful I have often feared I would not make it out of the argument alive. How much of it did I bring upon myself? Maybe if I had just shut my mouth and 'yes'd' him to death, he would not have become so violent.
No...yessing him to death produces same results or shuts it down for then. There's always the next time. Plus the benefit of being in the presence of someone who makes you feel like that is pretty traumatic.
No escape. No way to shut things down.
Originally Posted by
TiredButHopeful I knew what I was doing each time the violence occurred--I was letting my own anger get the best of me, and I was antagonizing him.
I'm not very verbal for the most part IF things turn sour. Never was a yeller or arguer. A debate? Sure! Love that. But anger will make me withdraw...
If you had enough gumption to purposely antagonise him like you said, hats of to you. I learned very early in my relationship that nothing was off limits if I didn't yes everything.
Originally Posted by
TiredButHopeful Do all opiate addicts get violent while they are coming down off of their high?
Or is it something in his personality that he cannot control? If I stayed with him, would I have regretted it EVEN IF he remained clean?
I'd bet you would of regretted it. But I'm not a betting type.
Really hope you're not either.
Taken your second chance and go live life. Be grateful! Actually, from what you've written - be grateful to of lived through it.