Originally Posted by
KuanYin 
Zoso: When I read the "Brain Chemistry of a Loved One", it really hit home and helped me understand myself a lot better, how I had become immune to fearful situations, etc, with my AS. However, along my journey, I happened to find a best friend. We were friends for about 2 years. I hadn't had a "best friend" in so many years, and it was so fun at first. But... (as I ask myself, am I a magnet for dysfunctional people?)... come to find out, she was BPD! When she was drinking, she was the most fun, witty, caring, life of the party. Problem was, she was always drinking. Alcohol was her DOC, but she hid it pretty well, functioned well. I was already dealing with chaos from my AS, and eventually, after about a year or so, chaos started with her. For me, I learned that there is nothing more frightening (to me) than a Borderline!!! Seems like they want to possess your very soul! (shudder) In hindsight, I see that the relationship was not a friendship at all, I was being manipulated yet again, but it was a learning experience and I'll be sure to recognize it (I hope) if I encounter another Borderline, so I can run for the hills!
Oh, I can smell Borderlines now. I can smell them coming a mile away. I really think the BPD stuff and the addiction stuff overlapped with her, so much so they were one and the same.
What I try to do every day is remember she's sick. That way, my anger is mostly kept in check. And then before I go to bed, I ask God to protect her and keep her safe. Doing this isn't about her. It's about me and healing myself. But, I have to admit that after this experience, I'm totally drained.
I used to believe that in times of crisis and trouble, we do our best to be there for each other. Maybe that's still true. But although I was there for her, at the end of the day that didn't (and never did) matter to her. She still reserved the ugliest of her behavior for me. I'll never understand how people like her can do that to those that try to love and support them. Sometimes the "she's sick" explanation doesn't cut it.
Thank you for your comments.
ZoSo