((Jessie)) - I understood the codie/addict stuff intellectually a long time before I "got it" in my heart and my head. I lurked her for over a year before I chose recovery from both my addiction and codependency, still didn't sign on until I had 6 months at working on both.
Please don't beat yourself up if you don't get it yet. It takes time and, for me, it took a lot to hit my bottom. I admit...I want to save you from going where I went to in my codie bottom, but I can't do that. ALL of us, I think, share our ES&H, ask the hard questions because we've been-there-done-that.
You are light-years ahead of me. I had a friend who tried to share HER ES&H 30 years ago and I just didn't get it. She was the same age as my mom, at the time (my mom died in '91), saw where I was heading but I just wasn't ready to hear it.
You are listening, you are posting what you're going through and allowing others to share their ES&H. There will probably come a day when you scream "OMG, why didn't I LISTEN!?!??!" but it's okay - been there, done that
I had to get to where I am, by going through what I did. It's not a road I wish even my worst enemies travel, but I honestly have no regrets. I may be 50 years old, have this habit of having to learn things the hard way, but I hope and pray I have a lot of good years ahead of me that I can pass on what I've learned.
When your gut, heart and head all get together? It's pretty darned amazing, but it doesn't happen in an instant.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy