(((Jessie))) - My first XABF could be wonderful and he could be a jackass. A lot depended on how much he drank, but I later realized he was also an untreated ACOA and had a lot more issues.
I stayed with him for over 20 years..and I lost myself. I turned to drugs to numb the pain of our "relationship".
I think you may want to think about whether you want to be doing this for the rest of your life? He has shown no intention of change (from what I recently heard, XABF#1 is pretty much the same) and I'm 50, he's 52....more than 30 years later...he hasn't changed. He married one of the gf's he was seeing when we were together (yes, I did allow this because I thought I couldn't survive without him).
I spent the last decade or so in addiction hell, then finally found recovery.
I just would really hate to see anyone follow in my path. Even without the addiction, I was a really sick codie and it's only by finally accepting the people I love have their problems (including addiction), but they are THEIR problems, have I finally found peace in my life.
(((Bill))) - I am SOOOO going to keep the image of a baby duck in my head..love it!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy