And yet what's really crazy is that before I found this site, his use was causing me so much pain that I was just about ready to end my own life because I could not find any solutions, no light at the end of the never ending tunnel. My AS said and did all the things you've described, only from the perspective of son to mother and I collapsed under the manipulation, time and time again. And my sticking by him, my helping him, my moral support, being there for him - only "helped" him to continue using.
KuanYin, This is a very powerful statement. So many of us truly just want to help, and we don't realize that by helping, we are really only hurting.
I'm so sorry that your son has put you through this and I truly hope he fights this disease in the end. It's comforting to hear that I am not the only one who has had to deal with violence, lieing and deceit. I started thinking maybe I was at fault for the way I was viewing my significant other. I started to feel like a bad person.
I have a couple of questions for you, KuanYin, if you don't mind answering them of course. Has your son ever WANTED to be clean? Has he ever sat you down and told you that he was not strong enough and that he admits he needs a lot of help?
Also, has he ever tried to be in a relationship while he has been spiraling down this path?
Your post gave me so much insight and really hit home. Sometimes blunt honesty is the only way--and I more than appreciate everyone who has taken this approach. I'm tired of people sugarcoating the situation and saying "he will get better once he's on suboxone", or "he will get better when he gets a sponsor". He's done all of these things. He doesn't get better. He just hides it better.