MrsB08

I posted earlier about my husband's pain pill habit. He has been on Suboxone for almost three weeks. In that time, the only plus that I can say that I've seen is that he isn't spending money on pills. But that is about it.

I am beyond myself. I know something is wrong. I can't tell you the last time that he actually slept. He seems to be sleeping in like 30-minute spurts. I look at him and if I didn't just know that he wasn't strung out on something, I would swear that he was. I know he's not using anything else because there is a prescription for Vicodin laying on our counter that would have been long ago filled if he was using.

Anyway, I'm looking at him and every fiber of my being is screaming something is wrong!! He is like a zombie. His body is so tired. It's like he can't focus on anything. He falls asleep and drops things. He fell asleep and left our dog outside for hours in the freezing cold a couple of nights ago. I feel like I haven't seen MY husband in days. This person is not him.

I'm so angry at him. He has admitted to abusing his Suboxone. I'm just sick of this. I have no one to talk to because none of my family or friends know about this. I'm scared to death that I am going to come home and find him dead. It just pisses me off. I have looked for Nar-Anon meetings and there are none near me. I feel like I am going crazy and I hate this.

The thing that really frustrates me is that it was his idea to get help. Granted, it came after a huge argument, but he made the call. He took the first steps. But clearly, since he is not using the Suboxone like he is supposed to, nothing is really changing. Yes, he's not spending the money, but that's it. I feel like I've lost my husband. I can't talk to him because he gets pissy or just plays it off as being tired. I'm just beyond broken. My nerves are shot.