I lost it. I ended it. I was tired of questioning, tired of worrying, tired of setting boundaries. But I love him. So much it hurts. And it's only been a month since the break up.
What you did here took a lot of courage. You need to recognize that. Not everyone here was able to do what you did.
And what you're describing is a textbook case of codependency. I know why you checked to make sure he wasn't using: out of love, and out of fear. I don't think any of us who have fallen in love with an addict has had an idea of what we were in for until it was too late.
i offered taking a six month break--no talking, no nothing--but he said he would have gotten over me by then. which hurts because i dont think ill ever REALLY be over him.
I hope you see how manipulative his remarks are.
You have come to the right place. I would suggest start reading the posts, especially the "sticky notes" at the top of the main page. I would also suggest that you find a local Nar Anon or Al Anon meeting. I know you're hurting right now. All of us here have been through something similar. But although you may not believe it, you will heal. Your AXBF is very sick. There's nothing you can do about that; it's his cross to bear. You have to understand it's time that
you take care of you. Coming here is a good first step. The fact that you left him shows that you have courage. Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good. In fact, a lot of times it hurts. But I'll be honest: I wish I had the courage you had when I was faced with not dissimilar circumstances with my AXGF.
Please, be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. And God Bless.
ZoSo