(((LW))) - I'm an RA, but I've been a codie since birth, I think. My dad never showed codie tendencies until after several years with my stepmom- both an A and a raging codie (ACOA, her first husband was an alcoholic, she has no desire to change).
I live with them, thanks to the consequences of my own addiction. I used to go CRAZY with my dad's actions. He'd find her passed out, scream that he was going to call all her doctors and tell them about each other, tell them she was passed out on to the floor, told ME (the RA?) to take her meds....then hours later he'd say "but she's in pain, she NEEDS her medicines".
After spending a gazillion hours on here, I told HER: "you pass out, I will make sure you are breathing and have a pulse (I used to be an RN), and if you are, I will leave you where you lay". To HIM: "I highly suggest you go to al-anon, I will not get in the middle of this mess any more - you do what you need to do".
She's gotten better, but I did slip recently...she was displaying "old behaviors" and I knew she'd just gotten a refill of her pain meds. I told her "let me see the bottle and count them" and she raised all KINDS of hell. Dad said "give_her_the_bottle". Yep, I already knew it but she had taken 17 pills in 2 days.
She denied, said they'd fallen out in her purse, she hadn't taken all those, yada, yada, yada. I just said "whatever, your actions are speaking so loud I can't hear your words" and dad admitted that he'd watched me count the pills, he knew she was lying.
Did it change anything? Nope, though she's apparently not taking as many as she was. Thing is, I remembered I don't LIKE being the "pill police" and I can talk until I'm blue in the face, they aren't going to change unless they want to.
I've learned to repeat "NMP - not my problem" over and over. She MAY OD, if I'm here, I'll do CPR and call 911. In all honesty, *I* should be dead..darned near came close more than a few times when I was using.
I totally understand, but the anger will eat you up alive (been there, done that). What's worked for me is finally accepting that I can't change anyone but myself.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy