I am an ACOA as well. My father drank throughout my entire childhood.
My father was the opposite of a mean drunk. He was very mild, loving and affectionate and I absolutely adored him. There was no abuse in my family, but my father's drinking was his priority and evrybody in the family was affected by his drinking (my mother, my brother and I). My mother stayed with him all these years as he continued to drink and occasionally cheat on her.
Guess what? I married an alcoholic too. The exact same type of alcoholic my father was...a mild, sensitive, intelligent alcoholic...one who would never raise his hand. Not only did I marry an alcoholic but we also brought a child into this world. Luckily, my alcoholic husband sobered up 3 years ago and we saw light in the end of the tunnel. At least until a few months ago when I found out that my recovering alcoholic husband has been cheating on me.
I would have never ever even imagined that I would end up with somebody like my father. I did not like how he treated my mother and I never liked growing up in a household where alcohol had higher priority than me and my brother. Yet I married a younger version of my father...
I have now decided to stop the cycle and show my child that this is not what married life and partnership are supposed to be like. She is my number one priority and I vow to be what they call the "transition generation" for her...i.e. the generation that stops the unhealthy patterns so they do not get passed on to the next generation and the next generation and the next generation....
I have a long road ahead of me, but I have to change myself and do the work so that my daughter won't have to go through the same painful experiences.