Originally Posted by
cynical one 
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I fully accepted that after the first time, he did nothing to me that I didn't allow.
Back when, my daughter continuously stole anything not nailed down from me.
Like you, after the first time, she did nothing to me that I did not allow. At the time, I rationalized my allowances because " I did not want to ruin her life".
Reality was she was ruining her own life and I was hung up on preventing her from experiencing legal consequences for her lousy choices. It sustained my own hopeful fantasy that I could control and influence her to make better choices.
I was insane.