Originally Posted by
Portofcall741 
Is it possible to move from detachment with anger to detachment with love?
I have seen my situation explained over and over again on these boards. Partner prescribed narcotics for back pain, eventually takes a months worth in two/three weeks, doctors realize there is a problem and stop dispensing, partner starts obtaining illegally. To compound the situation I am an ACOA and my partner has a dual diagnosis (PTSD).
I have been working hard in therapy to identify my codependent behaviors and learning that I need to start taking care of myself. I am still very angry about the lies, betrayals, financial wreckage, etc. Do I just have to move through the stages of grief before I can detach from a place of love? I am wondering if that comes with time or my inability to be able to do it now is a sign that I will never be able to.
Well...maybe a better way to look at it, IMHO, is to try to feel compassion in your heart first.
If you've got good reason to be angry, then it's OK to be angry. What's not OK is acting out when you're angry, or feeding the anger. To not do those things takes a lot of work. That takes practice. It also takes a good dose of self awareness when you feel you're feeding the anger.
A buddy of mine in Al Anon once said
you can't fight anger with anger, you can't fight hate with hate...you can only fight those with love.
For now, though, pray for him. That's a good way to show compassion. That doesn't mean he's done is OK. It doesn't mean you've forgiven him. What it does mean is by showing him compassion, you begin to heal yourself.
I hope you're doing OK and you can manage what you're feeling as best you can.
ZoSo