First detachment happens (mine came with extreme anger at being stolen from for thousands of dollars of jewelry by my own son), then when you are able to see clearly that the addiction is the driver of the behavior, you can then begin to view the individual. My detachment with love comes from the fact that I love the person, but I hate the addiction. Right now, he is working on sobriety. I am staying OUT of the way during this time in rehab and he has a restitution order that needs to be honored. Once his ACTIONS show me that he is committed to rebuilding, then I can begin to let him back in. I still love him though and always will.