There are ‘Happy Endings’ ….. Every Day.
There are millions of people all around the world that get caught up in drug abuse, drug addiction. The reasons they start…. Well that could be debated…. Some might say it was because they watched their parent used drugs and it just became a normal part of life, some might say they started to numb the pain of child abuse or neglect, some people will start because they have legitimate pain and then their tolerance grew, some people start because their friends gave it to them……. And some people will say f*** all that – these are just excuses – they are genetically inclined to be addicts. There is something in their brain and once it gets flipped they cannot stop…..
But everyday somewhere in the world someone has stopped using drugs; someone has found a way to stop their pain, or heal their minds, or turn the switch back to ‘off’ …..
So with that in mind….. Don’t feel guilty for being Hopeful and Wishing for a Happy Ending with your BF
But having said all that; life is not a fairytale…… no one* is guaranteed a Happy Ending.
Life is a journey.
And regardless of what comes our way in life; we can choose to deal with each experience in a positive, or a negative way. We can choose to learn, grow, and find our own sources of happiness. Your BF should be a part of your life; not your whole life. You can love him, care about him, enjoy magical moments with him, support him, and even yes… worry about him – as long as it’s at a healthy level. Just because he has this problem does not mean that he is a bad person, or that you have to call into questions every interaction you share.
When I first came to this forum, people had me doubting everything about my relationship. You see my BF had a history of drugs; but he was clean the entire time I knew him (10mos) until he suffered a one night relapse that put him in the hospital. For weeks after that I was a basket case…. And when I came to this forum – it was suggested that he had never stopped; I had just been oblivious, that he wasn’t capable of love because he was so sick; that I was being used by him for $, for sex, for well whatever popped into people’s minds…… Took me a while but I sorted it all out; the answers I needed were inside of me. And I’m sure the answers you are really seeking are within you also. So trust yourself – that is the most important. And learn your limitations – because you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. You don’t want to think of yourself as a victim‘ if this relationship fails…. Just accept that you took a chance, and it didn’t work out. That’s just life; drugs or no drugs.
If you read the stickies on the forum about codependency; many of the characteristics are that of any normal, caring, loving person. But the codependent person – takes those things to a whole new level where it end up negatively affecting their lives…. And even the life of the one they love.
My BF the wise soul…. I say that because he always seems to know what I need. He could tell how upset and worried I was after his relapse…. One night he just told me: stop worrying, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel responsible, stop trying to figure out the puzzle of why, just treat him as “normal” like I did before the relapse, expect of him normal things, don’t let him off the hook, don’t change myself to try to accommodate him, and if he failed me – failed to make me happy in the relationship – then I had to let him go.
Those words set me free. After that I gradually found my way back to my normally happy, optimistic self. And happy to report… 1.5 months later – everything is still really good between us; and he is doing great.
So about the Codependency thing….. Don’t Do That. Not simple I know…. So read about it, learn about it, examine how it affects your life, and then implement change to stop it. And if you need help in doing this – then seek it. From your posts…. It sounds like you are already headed down this path…. So just carry on…..
And one last thing; do what your BF suggested; force yourself to get out and do some of things that once made you happy. This world is huge - it has so much to offer - dip one little toe in at a time…. You will get there.
Best to both of you!
Kel