One certainty is that your future hopefulgf65 will be exactly what you make it…make it wonderful, cause is there really a reason not to?
And sure there are happy endings, and somehow that doesn’t have to do with the addict getting well. But more of finding what you want for your life and who you want in it.
Acceptance goes a long way …. Working on yourself goes even farther and takes away so much of the confusion that you do find what you want and need and again it won’t have anything to do with what the addict in your life is doing.
And I say with much conviction work on you, just you and your view will change…hell everything changes.
What you wrote about mourning, I had to remove that and face that my husband could die, to get past a huge stuck point. I wasted way to much time stuck in the fear of losing my husband to heroin addiction and forgot to be grateful for the fact that he was still alive and had a chance.
I got over the blame it all on him real quick and started to worry about my actions, not his. It made sense he used, he was an addict! What didn’t make sense is what I allowed myself to become because of that..
For a chance at any relationship, both sides must work their own end … I jumped on the path way before my husband and it was a long, winding, dark, lonely road, well in my head anyway …as a description I use to talk of how my glue bottle was slowing empting as I put myself back together and his sat on the shelf collecting dust…It isn’t easy and I do see that I could have, actually I would have, as I got better walked right out of what we had together, it would be inevitable. Even my faltering was preplanned, looking over your shoulder hoping you don‘t get to far ahead and they can catch up. But he followed in time, in HIS time. And years have passed, and he did find his way, and he did it his way, not any different that me doing it mine…which seems so very important to me. He needed to do everything he did, everything so called bad, or what seemed like hope fading away was important, those choices were how he learned, how he saved himself. Removing myself and allowing him to live as he choose and not set anything as good or bad, allowing him to find what was for him, was the best gift I could give him. It was after all his life, he had to want to live it and I couldn’t make him…
Wishing you the best.