What I found that as my AH husband drinking and hiding accelerated I found my world getting smaller and smaller. I was fearful of leaving him home and leaving my teenage kids having to take care of him if something happened. On rare occasion I did go out with friends I would get tearful calls from my daughter about Daddy's condition. I learned that if I had to go out (I belong to local civic organizations) I made sure my kids were elsewhere for the evening (again, thank God for friends). I bought a BA meter and although he was indignant when I made him take it and then took his keys away, I was so fearful of him killing someone who just went out for a gallon of milk for their kids. I didn't care about his screaming anymore. I became indifferent to him and started doing the math of our life. Sell house, split, get an apartment, divorce lawyer, move back closer to my family?
It came down to my health, the health of my kids. You sound like you are in the same place I was 9 months ago. Quit thinking about him and start thinking about you.