Originally Posted by
HopefulGF65 
I am new here and new to realizing how much of a problem my boyfriend has with pain med addiction. I already started a thread about my personal story so I won't repeat it here but...with everything I've read thus far, is there truly ever a happy ending? And by ending, I know there's no absolute to that answer, I just mean, is it realistic for me (or others in my position) to hope that there will one day soon be a relationship instead of a one-sided give and give some more co-dependency existence?
I'm ever so slowly getting discouraged and this is before my boyfriend has gone through the process of finding out if there's a solution to the backpain he experiences. It's why I can't yet make a decision, even with all the crap he has pulled, because what if a specialist finds a reason behind his pain? My only thought right now is to see this part of the process through, assuming there is some alternative to easing, minimizing or ridding his pain, and to see if he truly means what he says by wanting to get off of the pain meds.
It's all so very sad. And how crazy is this? As much as he has put me through he**, when I was blind to the fact that he really has an addiction problem, I was more hopeful then. Now that I feel stronger and ready to not get caught up in the passive agressive behavior, I feel like the future (for us) is dismal.
((sigh))
Sometimes, there isn't a happy ending in terms of the relationship.
My AXGF dumped me for someone in her program via text message, attached a picture of her and the new guy, and then confessed to boinking two other men while she was with me. As you can imagine, this was devastating.
But, a month clear of that and I'm OK. In my AXGF's case, there's a dual-diagnosis, and I understand that she is a very, very ill woman. What she did wasn't a reflection of me as it was of her very sick mind.
I went through all the codie-type behavior that you can imagine, and then landed in Al Anon, which was the best thing that could have happened. It was through Al Anon that I learned how to let go of the things that I can't do anything about. Addicts, whether we like it or not, are going to do what they're going to do. We can detach with love if we choose. In my case, my AXGF did something ugly, so my detachment is complete and irreversible.
I do believe, however, there is life after a relationship ends with an addict. And that starts with us and the choices we make to get better, stronger, and more honest with ourselves as to why we made the choices we did to stay. And it's in that spirit I can say I'm glad my ex is gone. I'm slowly returning to the life that
I want to live. For me, that's my career, graduate school, and playing lead guitar in a rock band. All three of those things make me happy in different ways. What's helped the most, for me, is prayer. Before all this stuff happened with my ex, I wouldn't call myself a spiritual person. But I've come to accept that there are things bigger than us, and I've learned to ask for help from my Higher Power -- God -- in terms of dealing with my pain and suffering.
I also pray for my ex. I want nothing to do with her on
any level, but I don't want anything to happen to her. I want her to be safe. Any atrocities she's committed are between her and
her Higher Power.
So, as my clinician told me when my ex pulled her stunt, "Well, ZoSo, another f#@*ing opportunity for growth."
God Bless.
ZoSo