I have the yellow ACA step book. One of the theories they talk about is trauma bonding which occurs when children are dependent on caregivers who violate their trust, either by abuse, neglect, etc. Makes sense...the mind of a child cannot fathom that our caregivers/adults who loved us would violate us, thus the distortion begins.
Then comes the suppressed anger. For me, it was my non-alcoholic parent (Mother) who displayed anger. I minimized her anger, because she was the main caregiver. I do not recall many instances where my Dad, the alcoholic, displayed angry feelings...I think he tried to keep the peace so he could drink in peace. Anger is one of my major stumbling blocks...I was always scared of my own inside rages. As an adult, my anger was not used to take care of myself when apporpriate...it would come out when I felt I was losing control of my spouse, children, etc.
The book also speaks of enmeshment and how difficult it is to recognize when we become adults. I can remember that I always thought of what my Mother would say/do in any situation/decision I needed to make. Even after her death, I still allowed some of my decisions to be controlled by thoughts of what she would say/do.
Just thought I'd post this as a preamble to my Step One...
Thanks for reading
Huggs, Hope