hi jamaicacrazy-
i've just spent the last hour reading many of your posts to familiarize myself with your situation, as i was curious why you would remain married after two years of no contact.
i gently inform you that no contact means no contact. in your case, you have not been no contact at all. you speak to him, text him, phone him, ask the children about him and even talk to him when you run into him and his "plutonic" girlfriend. you interact with him about the house, he even comes over and fix things. you even have access to his bank account. you also speak to his sister regarding her concerns about his drinking.
that is not no contact. that is plenty of contact.
and it perhaps is contributing to the fact that you are not moving on with your life.
i understand that you were married for a long time and that you hold onto hope that he will change. in the two years since your separation, he continues to drink and now his health is in the decline.
i understand that you have hope that he will wake up, but perhaps consider protecting yourself financially...
i understand that you believe he will be good with money but this is a progressive disease and alcoholics frequently end up in financial ruin. i understand part of the reason you have not divorced him is because you might have to buy out his half of the house.
i would encourage you to separate financially from your alcoholic. you are still married and even though you think your finances are separate (your own cc and bank) they are not.
there is a significant probablity that his health will deciline and YOU will be responsible for the medical bills, which could bring you to financial ruin. already he refuses the doctors advice regarding his liver and high blood pressure. and he's still drinking, so these are likely to get worse not better.
please consider YOUR future financially. you can finance to pay him his half of the house. if you don't, you might loose the house to his drinking.
additionally, the house is keeping you in contact with him, as you must contact him if there is a big bill or things to be fixed, he even comes and does them.
if you divorce and buy him out, you will no longer rely on him for these things and you can have conversations with your lender and handyman instead of him.
i am advocating divorce in order to protect yourself and your home. just because you divorce him doesn't mean that if he gets sober and you want, you could still reconcile.
however, at this time, he is still drinking and in denial.
i am afraid that if you do not take action, he will take you down. right now, you still have a chance to protect yourself. your finance ARE NOT separate because you are still married and should he accrue debt, medical bills, loose his job, crash the car, overspend on alcohol, you will be at risk.
and we all know, that is what they do.
you say that he does not spend much money...would rather wear old shoes than buy new ones...
this does not mean he is frugal when it comes to buying alcohol. it only means he is frugal in terms of personal appearance...quite common actually because they want to keep the money for alcohol.
and you said he wouldn't even buy a tv for his new flat...my alcoholic wouldn't even buy a £20 digital convertor for the tv, so he could have money for alcohol.