Thank you all for your support. For the record, I live in the city and I hate going into this enclave of rotting demons just to spend time with my brother's kids. I do not fit in, something that broke my heart for a long time, and people are just 'nice' to me because I am his sister. For years many people didn't even know I was his sister, even though I lived with the whole tribe when we were all at uni, TAFE or returning from gap year travels. Milo88, it was like living in a John Birmingham novel, only dirtier.
My brother and I grew up in an extremely permissive environment which included our parents having key parties and a lot of these people made porn on the side, including good old Mum and Dad. It wasn't unusual to wake up next to other kids we had never met before. Sex education was more than just the birds and the bees. I was dressed as a go-go girl to entertain the guests and was sexualised from a very young age. Both of us grew up thinking all of this was normal, even though the kids at school said our parents were 'rude'. We were brainwashed to disagree. So-called devil worship was thrown into the fetid mix.
We were allowed to drink alcohol from about the ages of 12 and 14 but they drew the line where pot was concerned. After our father took his own life our BU (Birthing Unit for what she was worth) went merry widow and hit the grog even worse. I went home to a drunken harridan laying on the floor with a burning log on the carpet more times than I care to remember. She used me as a decoy to attract men and when I was 16, allowed my 26 year old bf to sleep with me at night under her roof. During this time I was raped by a 32 year old man and my mother blamed me because I supposedly flaunted my sexuality. Go figure!
I have been in therapy for PTSD for years now, which resulted from this as well as the fact that my mother was more than maternally accomodating when I was very little. I have had a massive wake-up call and have realised the serious implications that still confine me in a lot of ways. My brother on the other hand seems proud of our heritage. He didn't cop the sexual assaults and beatings like I did.
OMG what a mess!
I am not justifying any of these behaviours, but I do sit here typing this with a poker face and vaccuous eyes.
I am scared for my dear little niece who is five, going on fifteen. It sickens me to have to do what I have to do and I fear for this little girl's future as far as care goes. I am not well enough to take on a child and both sets of grandparents are old and sick. I am worried about the fact that my brother leaves his daughter alone with our mother, who is a perverted monster and an ex psych nurse who can extract information out of anybody.
This has turned into a vent. I am seeing my D and A counsellor next week and together we will explore the options available, corrupt cops or not.