Hi blackandblue (your name title probably sums up how you are feeling eh?)...
I think EnglishGarden said it all very eloquently, with grace and love and understanding to your situation (and many, if not all of ours who have addicted loved ones).
Some of us have walked through these trenches of sorrow and see the hurt and destruction caused by doing things (like contacting, engaging, trying to change our addicted loved ones etc.).
This whole thing however, is a process and a personal journey that only you can take my friend (no one else). We all take 'good advice' when we are truly ready for it... not a moment sooner (or later). Just be kind to yourself and your feelings but most importantly, take care of your needs first. You will get there. Keep posting, reading and getting out in the real world to enjoy your life k?!
Big hugs,