Like I said, there is no "project" that could ever be as important to me as my grandson. And yes, I understand that is a recipe for disaster, especially under the circumstances.
Funny that "Road Less Traveled" was quoted. I am not a dumb person and have read that and many other books. When I read a passage like the one quoted, I don't disagree at all - it is not a problem of logic or intellect, it is a problem of the heart and soul.
If my higher power has deemed that this is a path I must walk, then there is little I can do - I do "try" to the best of my ability to not care as much as I do - to distract myself from my worries and fears. I KNOW worrying does not help. I KNOW it is not beneficial to my life to be so obsessed with him and his choices - I KNOW I am ultimately powerless over him and his life - it's just really, really hard not to care.
I have a daughter who is alcoholic and I have totally let go of her - she is an adult - she has life skills. She knows what to do if she wants to do it.
My grandson is at a precipice where he can go either way and it would be devastating if he doesn't choose recovery. I don't know anyone in my family who could be happy about that. Many people have said this is "ruining their life." It's not a choice when you love someone and had no idea they had a problem and it turns out to be a very serious problem.
I imagine other people have lots of different kinds of heartache caused by other circumstances - accidents, illness, etc. Not disputing that. Parents and grandparents grieve and hurt when their children and grandchildren are in danger or are making choices that will not result in happiness.
To pretend that everything is just hunky-dory is absurd. My life has been changed and I can only pray I will be able to "recover" in the sense that it won't kill me or make me wish I were dead.
I am working with a sponsor so I am open to changing my perspectives. I hear things in meetings that resonate, but when I get home, I am alone and start thinking . . .I can't seem to help it. Yes, it is like a drug but there is no euphoria associated with it.
If you had a kid and you took the kid to the doctor and the doctor told you the kid has a very serious disease and they had to stop doing "x" and you had no control over whether or not they would stop doing "x," it might make you a little crazy too. You would want to convince them, for their health not to do "x."
I must be missing something very basic about the process.
I don't think it is at all like living with a partner who is alcoholic (I have that experience and for me, there was none of the emotion or worrying or fear - it was completely different - more of an annoyance in how it impacted me - nothing like the primal feelings of protection I have for my grandson.