Ah, WTBH,
I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I'm not sure what has happened to put them front and center in your consciousness like this, but I do know that you are allowed to feel through your feelings and at the same time remember that emotions are not facts.
We cannot control the actions of others, as much as they probably need it!! We don't get to say what they do/do not need either, much to my chagrin.
We can't tell other people how to treat us. We can express our thoughts, feelings, and then we can make decisions to be around "healthy" for ourselves. If someone's words or actions are hurting you, and they have blatantly ignored your feelings, then they do not have the privilege of being a part of your radar. If you have some ancillary relationship with them because of the children, really think about how much of their actions really affect your children and what decisions you can make for your family's good health.
You don't have to issue demands or ultimatums or anything. But really think about how you can create that safe and happy environment you have the ability and the desire to create.
Note: I wonder, sometimes, how, when/if RABF returns from out of state, I will interact with his mother. She's treated us horribly, and I've decided, that for TODAY, I will treat them with love. From afar. But Love, all the same. That's my decision for today. Trying not to look ahead too far.
I hope this helps. Whatever doesn't help, you get to put me on 'ignore' too.
