skidmark

Okay well a little about me bare with me it took alot of guts to reelect my memories..Not saying my name, but I am currently 15 going to 16 in 3 months I think. When I was 13/14I started to use tobacco and opiates and marijouna. The opiates were called vicodins the highest mg I started using about 14 pills a day and completely out of it intill one day school started I started getting withdraws because I tried quitting and while I stopped for 3 days I started an another addiction cutting. Few weeks or a month went by ( sorry memory is blurred) I overdosed and spilled my guts to my parents about everything I wanted help so I went to a pyscho ward/ rehab on thanksgiving. After all that I stopped the use of pills got therapy and got on anti depressants called prozak and started a lot of weed and still cut few weeks or months Came by the Prozac had a reverse side effect witch made me suicidal and attempted one night, my friend convinced me to call 911 so I did and they all came blah blah I stopped cutting got off medication was sober for half of year maybe honestly blacked out but this school year started and I went the opposite I started abusing adderall I usually do 100 mg a day so that's about 9 pills and sometimes drink or abuse other medicine like cold medicine and weed..But I'm now trying again to be sober.. But while I'm sober my grades drop .. And I feel like adderall has made me have permanet damage to my brain like psychosis and it won't go away I see things and hear things .. I sometimes have tremors like shakes .. Rapid eye movement.. Zone out.. Sometimes black out.. Insomnia .. I lost all my friends good and bad .. I'm alone and been confused for awhile.. And sometimes get delusions which I swear they are real but Im not sure I lost reality?. Will it get better I have a huge feeling I'll start again .. Adderall is extremely addictive..