Thank you all for your words of encouragement, they are absolutely invaluable to me. Although it is unfortunate that so many people have been through hardship, it is really nice to have some people to talk to about what I went through.
I have been thinking a lot over the past few days and the one thing that seems to keep repeating in my mind is that I HAVE to stop punishing myself for everything I do. My dislike toward others and myself has completely consumed my thoughts and is has to stop. It is poisonous to everything and everyone in my life. Maybe being able to recognize that I am doing it will help me learn to change the behavior.
I still have not spoken to my mother (with the exception of an illegible drunken Facebook email about her cat). It has been over a week since she told me that she no longer wants a relationship with me, and it has provided me with a good opportunity to think about things. I must say that I am extremely bitter about the fact that she can "dissolve" our relationship as soon as I say a few things that she doesn't like, but I have been taking verbal abuse from her for 25 years. It just seems like she's getting off way too easy. I just wish that she could feel for herself the pain in my heart that she has created.
Maybe someday Ill forgive her, but not today.
Thanks again for the help. This website, and all of your kind words, have been like a little light in a very very dark room.