Thanks for the spanking. I know I need it. Not trying to sound defensive, there have been many times that I have allowed him to reap what he had sown. He has spent 3 years in prison. He lived on the streets for several years sleeping in filth. I have had my phone number changed, only to have him somehow learn it after a few months.
About his disability - he was in a motorcycle wreck almost 4 years ago and spent 4 months in the hospital with all limbs smattered, many surgeries, and MRSA infection which he still battles. I do guess since this accident, I have gotten worse. Now I feel he does need my help in some ways.
I did spend the day with him today to set the wheels in motion for letting go. Yes, I bought propane for heat for the camper, a few groceries and helped with getting him to the laundry to do the month's worth of dirty clothes. Yes we fought verbally. He was edgy and I did not enjoy time with him. Actually he looked much better than I thought he would. I left with him a list of places to look for help, which I'm sure he won't do. I'm cancelling the contract on his phone. In the long run, it will save. I can't say I will stop providing the lot rent for his camper and the utilities. Even off of drugs, that just can't be done on less than $700 a month.
I have attended naranon for several years in the past and found it quite helpful. There isn't a group near where I live, but did recently find another group - Celebrate Recovery.
I think you're right, at this point, it's not really a group I need. It's some serious counseling, and I'm working on that.
Guess I sound very defensive. I don't mean to. I don't totally regret everything I have done. He is still alive, thought he wants death. That is his bottom. But I have learned, and hope this doesn't sound too bad, that there are some things worse than death. Many of us here have lived through it. i don't want to live like that any longer.
Think I'll stick around here awhile.