"I just want him to own it so I can get it off my back and not feel like a horrible woman for trying to find happiness and peace."
You're here... and that's a step to finding your own happiness and peace.
You're doing great... take baby steps, and stay here. LOTS of ES&H from people who have been and still are finding their way out of the chaos.
SR was and still is my saving grace.
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I hit my emotional bottom in July, 2009.
Stayed with my XAH for 10 years (opiate addict)
Before that, 2 other addict Boyfriends (one was physically abusive)
and the daughter of an alcoholic father.
I had had ENOUGH of being me.
ANd I couldn't take ONE MORE DAY of living in the chaos.
I finally knew I was the one with the problem.
Never saw it that way before, always pulled the "victim/martyr" card.
Now I know better.
Glad you're with us.