I just want him to own it so I can get it off my back and not feel like a horrible woman for trying to find happiness and peace.
It doesn't work that way.
He's not going to own it. You can't make someone take responsibility for behaving either poorly or in a manner that's hurtful to us. Stinks, doesn't it?
In the case of my ex AGF, she's dual diagnosis -- Borderliner Personality Disorder and addiction. And I seriously underestimated the severity of how sick she was. Blaming others or not taking ownership of their behavior is symptomatic of the illness. At the end of the day, an active addict (and, in my case, the Borderline) is incapable of empathy. Go and read the sticky note "What Addicts Do". Reading that snapped my head back because I knew Jon, the original author of that post, was dead on.
For me, that piece of knowledge is crucial because it depersonalizes it. It's not about
me. It's about
my ex. It's about
your ex. So now, you've got a chance to heal. Just like me. Just like a lot of people on this board. Read the posts; you're not alone.