Welcome to SR....I hope you find answers here. I can't give you advice but I can share my own experience, strength and hope.
It's pretty common for those of us who love an addict to think that we can help them--that we are all that is good in their life. Unfortunately, our love is often unhealthy and our thinking is "off". I am a codependent in recovery. Personally.....I was loving my son.....to death. Why? Because my behavior was enabling him to continue to use.
You love this man. But if love could cure addiction, not one of us would be here. I tried everything to get my son to stop using drugs. I spent ridiculous amounts of money. I cried. I rescued. I pleaded. I tried to reason with him. He is still using and homeless.
The people who concern me as it relates to my son are not just other users. Codependents who associate or have relationships with him concern me just as much. They are as detrimental to his continued addiction as his fellow users.
Before you judge his family for turning their backs on him, remember that he has told you what he wants you to hear. He wants you to feel pity. He wants you to continue to enable his disease. That's how the disease of addiction works.
I am simply sick and tired of being afraid, manipulated, lied to and spending enormous amounts of money trying to change someone who doesn't want to change. So I'm working on what I can control. Me.
It breaks my heart to know my son is out there somewhere using and homeless. But after 15 years of trying to battled this disease on his behalf, I'm done. I have absolutely no doubt that my son manipulates others to feel sorry for him and tell people that his family has turned their backs on him. I have no doubt that he conveniently leaves out the details of what we have done. It would not suit his purpose.
I hope you stick around. Read. Ask questions. Learn as much as you can about addiction and codependency. Whether you continue a relationship with this man or not, the education will be beneficial to you and your little one.
gentle hugs
ke