I was thinking of this post today.
I talked with my counselor about the whole friendship dynamic and the changes I have been experiencing. I have some good friends from earlier in my life who I am still close to, though I physically live thousands of miles away, and I am fortunate to have great work friends, but not a lot of social friends in the area I live in now to do things with.
The friends I do have, though great people are not in recovery. Even as I type that it feels kind of judgemental, like I am not willing to tolerate something that loving and caring people tolerated with me. I am getting stirred up by these friends though with things like DV concerns, alcohol in another, etc.
My counselor shared an interesting idea for me though. It is not being judgemental if when stuff is stirred up for me I ask myself "What do I need to do in this situation to take care of myself?" I am not making a judgement on them if I think they are good, bad or purple, rather it is a decision I am making to take care of me.
It has only been a few hours but I feel like a weight has dropped from my shoulders with this idea. What a way for me not to do my codie thing, but also to take care of myself when I am triggered. I think actually implementing it will be challenging at times...but it does feel like maybe I have added another tool to my tool box.