I don't know these women, but they are talking as a "we", meaning that lines have been drawn.
It's a horrible feeling, but it's a textbook codependent situation - and I am in one right now, too, so I know - where you HAVE to detach because being attached is making you crazy.
Retreat, retreat, retreat is my advice. Function at low levels. Drink tea, read to your girls, go running if you possibly can, get in bed early.
*Again, I don't know them, but want to say this:
The former friends who have turned it around on me "You are too needy" are the same ones that I hear through the grapevine are having their own marital issues. Their words and actions don't reconcile (remember that red flag?) and you can't count on their goodwill.
It hurts like crazy, but it's the same scenario, different players as with your husband/mother/etc.
Choose your actions accordingly.