Well I have officially started no contact since the episode this morning when I had a weak moment and picked up the phone. He keeps texting me even though I said very firmly do not contact in any way anymore. Gee why am I not surprised that he isn't respecting my boundaries.
Since its been 3 weeks without seeing jimmy stress level is drastically decreased. Just not having to hear the BS chatter and the same lines over and over again. So I know and trust that NC will decrease my stress even further and allow light, love for my self and joy to enter.
The Whys I chose to focus on now are why would I allow my self to be treated with anything less than love honesty and respect every day?
Why do I get so scared to be alone? Why do I have this compulsion to put others needs before my own AND then bitch about it?
The forum and books on codependency are so helpful right now. We all are so strong and beautiful and we deserve the best self love EVER.