In our deep down feelings we know that the addict is doing wrong, sneaking and lieing and they are trying to hide but it never works. This is their pattern and they are good at conning us. I am now married to a recovering addict and it has been a bumpy road. He went 6 months clean while in a rehab program. My son was in addiction and I met my future husband while my son was in the program, that was 10 years ago. We have been married 9 years now and separated three times.
We worked at the rehab facility after he graduated from the program. I worked with the family members or loved ones suffering from the affects of the addict and my husband was working with the addicts in the program. Within the year of our marriage I caught him sneaking something to drink when we were off the property. He tried to deny it when a few other things came out. The truth can be in front of us and we want so bad to believe this is not happening and this person will not do this to me if he loves me.
I allowed myself to get so upset and ended up in depression. They seem to be so good at making us feel guilty so they can take the focus off themselves. They are also good at saying very hurtful things. After finally realizing that I could no longer live like this I too made the choice to leave. It turned out to be the best thing for me. I moved away so he would not know how to get up with me. Some time went by and I found out where he was and he was deeper in his addiction and having no licence, I tried to help him shop and get some things done. He ended up getting into more trouble and ended up in prison for 6 months. He wanted me to keep all his tools which were many so I said ok. While he was there I only visited him one time. When he got out, I picked him up and thought it may work to go back together. In less than six months he was sneaking around drinking again and ended up being real ugly to my mom so I told him he had to leave. He left and went back into the program he was in before for another 6 months. I did not contact him and he kept writing to me. He said he deserved what happened to him and said he was giving me to God. I prayed and read the bible and decided maybe one more time. I moved back at the facility again and started back doing the family recovery. This time things were fine. The only real problem I have had to go through here is he still has this bad attitude towards me and sometimes makes me feel like he just doesn't love me. I have questioned him several times about why he was so hateful all the time. Recently I dropped him off to work and he was able to get to the store and I thought he was drinking but I was afraid to confront him until I could really tell it. I just came out and said I am not playing this game with you and there is no need to deny it but I know you are drinking. I said I will not go through this again and if I find you drinking again then we are finished. He knows I mean business and I do!
We don't always know the right thing to do at times like this but it is important to realize that we allow a lot of things to happen to us. I will not be able to change him and I no longer want to but I can change me. We can want the best for others but they have to wake up and really want it for themselves. When they make that decision then they realize the change that has to happen. We have to worry about our own welfare and that of our children. Give it all to God and trust Him that He will work it out. I have learned through all of my mess here that I have certainly gotten ahead of God and as the word says we reap what we sow. God bless you and give you the peace and comfort you need. You are not alone.