Originally Posted by
steve1840 
zoso-
your attitude is great. keep it up. i went through nearly the same exact thing with my gf even before the hard drug abuse. things started off great, but like a switch everything changed. when she finally put put the daggers in, i was dumbfounded, hurt, and confused. so i read up on stuff too, and when i read the book "help, i am love with a narcissist" everything made sense. i do believe she has personality disorders. after some time, a switch in me changed and i could see in her all the things you are saying about your girl. i git right back on my feet and was liking life just fine. over a year later she made contact. i thought, hell, i'm way over her, besides, she's crazy, i'll never get sucked back in so it's ok to have contact.......
.....holy smoke was i wrong. fast forward 2.5 years later and i am here today. and it took me a year and a half to really understand what i needed to understand. so i think it is great you are seeing it the way you do. do not only no contact, but just dont let your guard down later because those people are masters at manipulation and now i dont know what it would take for me to ever think she has truly changed for the better.
you sound like you are doing great, and at some point it will barely be a thought to you
I read
I Hate You Don't Leave Me and
Stop Walking on Eggshells. There were other points of reference as well that I won't address in this post, but I had enough information to conclude she was a severe Borderline Personality. And that was not a unique conclusion on my part.
And that has to be awful for her, those feelings of emptiness and fears of abandonment. But the thing about BPD is it's treatable with CBD, DBT, etc. I didn't expect miracles, but I expected a good faith effort. Honestly, it's my own fault for letting her back in the picture. She said all the right things, just the right way, and then
BLAM!!! Heck, ten days before she did what she did, she was talking marriage. And my reply was "let's get through January". And then she pulls this? At least I don't have to go through a divorce.
There's no daylight between BPD and addiction as far as I'm concerned, at least in her case. They overlap. I have zero confidence she'll ever change. She's in her mid thirties, and her behavior didn't improve with time. It got worse. She can tell me or anyone how she's in recovery, but until she starts taking responsibility for her actions and how they impact others, she might as well still be using. And by the time she does legitimately, truly own up to her behavior, it's too late for us.